Cindy Lou

Journal to share my thoughts and daily events with friends and family
in my journey through Acute Myelogenous Leukemia (AML).

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Time for Dad

I have been spending as much time as I can with Dad, as have my brothers and sister. It is so hard to see him like this, so helpless. He has never had to depend on anyone in his whole life, in fact he was always the one we depended on. It breaks my heart. He has lost all independence. It is so devastating to see the rapid deterioration this disease has caused. 2 months ago ... he was still working. He drove from work to the doctors office where he received the news. It was the last day of work. He barely speaks any more and when he does it is in hushed tones, barely audible. A fleeting smile will cross his face when I arrive and I can hear him whisper my name. I love him so much. I'm sure sometimes he can see the agony on my face, even though I try to hide it. We have all been taking turns spending the night there, for Marge and for him. With all those children, we have a sign up sheet and there is never a night someone can't be there. I have been telling him all the things I want him to know. Sometimes we lose sight of what we need to say in the hustle of everyday life. But we all have been letting him know. He was always so proud to say he and Marge had 15 kids. He loves us all and we love him. It is just so hard to say goodbye.