Cindy Lou

Journal to share my thoughts and daily events with friends and family
in my journey through Acute Myelogenous Leukemia (AML).

Monday, July 25, 2011

5 Years!!! What a Miracle!

I never in my wildest dreams believed I would ever be able to say I was a 5 year survivor of one of the worst types of cancer, AML. But I can and it is nothing short of a miracle! God has certainly smiled on me and decided there is more for me to do on this earth. Oh it has not been an easy journey and I still struggle from the side effects of treatment, but it is a miracle I am even here. I will never be the same physically, or emotionally as I was before cancer. My life is a new normal if you can call anything about it normal. I do live each day as though I may not see tomorrow, for we never know...... I am blessed to have so many people in my life who love me. And I am blessed to have a sister who gave me the gift of a second chance at life. I just want to say to all my friends, family, supporters, and caregivers, thank you! Life is good!

Sunday, July 25, 2010

4 years of a second chance

Hi Everyone,
I don't know if anyone still checks this, but it is good therapy to put my thoughts into words. It has been 4 years today since I was given a second chance to live. On July 25, 2006 I received life saving bone marrow from my sister, Libby, that saved me from certain death at the hands of acute myelogenous leukemia. I thank the Lord every day for my second chance. It has not been an easy road, physically, financially, or psychologically. However, I am so blessed to be here. It gives you a different perspective on everything in life. Granted we have basically wiped out our retirement savings and I will be working until I'm 70, God willing, but I'm fortunate that I'm able to work at all. I'm fortunate to be able to see the sunrise and sunset each day and view them with awe. I'm blessed with beautiful grandchildren whom I enjoy spending as much time as I can with. I'm blessed with a wonderful husband who does all he can to let me know how much I mean to him. I am blessed with a large extended family with whom I enjoy spending time. All of this was made possible by a small bag of bone marrow donated by my sister and for that I am so grateful!

Saturday, October 10, 2009

Goodbye Dad

It is with a heavy heart that I post the news of the death of my father. He passed away last night right after we had all just left his house. I had just gone to bed when I got the call. He passed peacefully without a sound. We all raced back to his house to say our last goodbyes. I know he was still there, lingering, telling us not to cry, but to celebrate what a good life he had. But that is hard to do. My heart is broke in a million pieces. I just want to lay my head on his chest and hear him tell me it's going to be alright. I will never be the same. He meant so much to me. I will never have coffee with him on Tuesday mornings again.....well maybe when I join him in the beautiful place he is now. I know he is smiling down on me from above. I wonder if there are slot machines there.....if there are he just hit the jackpot! Goodbye, my precious daddy.

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Time for Dad

I have been spending as much time as I can with Dad, as have my brothers and sister. It is so hard to see him like this, so helpless. He has never had to depend on anyone in his whole life, in fact he was always the one we depended on. It breaks my heart. He has lost all independence. It is so devastating to see the rapid deterioration this disease has caused. 2 months ago ... he was still working. He drove from work to the doctors office where he received the news. It was the last day of work. He barely speaks any more and when he does it is in hushed tones, barely audible. A fleeting smile will cross his face when I arrive and I can hear him whisper my name. I love him so much. I'm sure sometimes he can see the agony on my face, even though I try to hide it. We have all been taking turns spending the night there, for Marge and for him. With all those children, we have a sign up sheet and there is never a night someone can't be there. I have been telling him all the things I want him to know. Sometimes we lose sight of what we need to say in the hustle of everyday life. But we all have been letting him know. He was always so proud to say he and Marge had 15 kids. He loves us all and we love him. It is just so hard to say goodbye.

Tuesday, August 25, 2009

Take me out to the ballgame.....

Last night my brothers took my dad to the Toledo Mudhens game. They all enjoyed themselves. It was hard for my brothers to see him so weak, but they loaded him up, wheelchair and all, and made the trip for him. He always loved going there and sitting in the Toft's seats. He was always generous in offering those seats to our family over the years. It was a night to remember for all involved. In the back of everyone's mind was the fact that this was his last trip there and they made it a special one for him. They were in tears at the seventh inning when he began singing "take me out to the ball game" in his very weak voice. He savored the night in his memory as did the boys. We love you Dad!

Friday, August 07, 2009

Wedding Weekend

Our family is preparing for a 3 day weekend with family for the wedding of my nephew, Bryce, and his bride, Monica. I am just going to savor the moments spent with all of them. My house will be full with my children here and I can hardly wait. (Kyle and Erika are the only ones not able to make it and we will miss them) These events mean so much to me. Life is so precious. We take so much for granted. Children move away and I find myself longing for their presence. My life has always been soooo about my children. As my life enters the autumn era, I all too often reminisce of the happy times of our life together and I want them to always know what they mean to me. The events of the last two weeks only reminds me of the importance of family. My Dad started chemo this week and he is being so strong. I am trying to be. The prognosis is not good. But this weekend, there will be dancing and singing and reminiscing and of course the "500 mile dance". And I will cherish every minute, for none of us know when we will all be together in such a large reunion again. And I Will Walk 500 Miles And I Would Walk 500 More.............

Sunday, July 26, 2009

Bittersweet anniversary

Last night Libby and I went to dinner to celebrate 3 years of surviving my bone marrow transplant. It was a bittersweet celebration. Don't get me wrong, I am thrilled to be alive, but the conversation was mostly about my dad. I am having a very hard time. I am not ready to let him go. And celebrating my victory over cancer does not seem right when he will not be able to achieve that same victory. We have a 1 week window here before we see the cancer doctor again and the chemo begins. So this week is devoted to my dad, spending time doing the things he used to like to do. My brothers and Kyle are taking him fishing one day. We are trying to arrange a trip to the casino if he is up to it. Craig is planning on taking him to Amish country to visit his dairy farmers he got for Toft's dairy. And we hope to go see various relatives. Thank you for all your prayers. Maybe, just maybe a miracle will happen.