Cindy Lou

Journal to share my thoughts and daily events with friends and family
in my journey through Acute Myelogenous Leukemia (AML).

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

Time for Dad

I have been spending as much time as I can with Dad, as have my brothers and sister. It is so hard to see him like this, so helpless. He has never had to depend on anyone in his whole life, in fact he was always the one we depended on. It breaks my heart. He has lost all independence. It is so devastating to see the rapid deterioration this disease has caused. 2 months ago ... he was still working. He drove from work to the doctors office where he received the news. It was the last day of work. He barely speaks any more and when he does it is in hushed tones, barely audible. A fleeting smile will cross his face when I arrive and I can hear him whisper my name. I love him so much. I'm sure sometimes he can see the agony on my face, even though I try to hide it. We have all been taking turns spending the night there, for Marge and for him. With all those children, we have a sign up sheet and there is never a night someone can't be there. I have been telling him all the things I want him to know. Sometimes we lose sight of what we need to say in the hustle of everyday life. But we all have been letting him know. He was always so proud to say he and Marge had 15 kids. He loves us all and we love him. It is just so hard to say goodbye.


  • At 2:18 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Hi Cindy,

    Your Dad and family are in my thoughts and prayers. I am so sorry your family has to go through this difficult part of life. It is so hard to see a parent go from the constant, strong, loving person in your life to someone who is struggling with normal daily tasks and needs help. We take so much for granted. I still get choked up when I think about my Dad's last few months. It is probably one of the most difficult things you can go through.
    I wish I had some words of wisdom that would help or make things easier. Just know you being there with him and helping him through this means the world to him. He knows he is loved by all of you.

    Linda Chavez (your cousin)

  • At 7:38 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    Will keep you in my thoughts and prayers.


  • At 12:22 PM, Anonymous Anonymous said…

    The tears are flowing as I read this, Cindy. You are all in our prayers every night. It was hard on my kids when their dad died but his was a gradual thing and not quite so SUDDEN as your dads. I think that is what makes it all the harder for you. Our thoughts are with you and Marge and all the rest of the family in this difficult time in your lives.


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